Miracles Underway

Dearest Friends and Family, I've been doing so well, miraculously well. Amazing things have been happening since my last post. Miracles are unfolding.

Miracle 1: Back to Teaching 

That's right; I've been feeling so great that I've gone back to work part-time. It's been amazing to be back at UCSD. My colleagues are all so supportive and amazing to work with. I get giddy after teaching my classes. I missed being totally immersed in the teaching experience in which 2 hours of teaching feels like 10 minutes. Love it!

Miracle 2: Totally Pain-Free

Even just a few weeks ago, I would get some pain if I was driving for more than 40 minutes or so. But now, I am experiencing ZERO pain regardless of how long I'm driving. In fact, I am experiencing zero pain in any activity! (fingers crossed :)) This is the absolute BEST part of anything that has happened by far. I do have some discomfort at times, but this is nothing compared to the level of pain that I had experienced months prior. Not even close.

Miracle 3: Back to dancing 

It started with dancing in front of my mirror at home. Then, I proceeded to Zumba. Then, Cumbia and Salsa live (not in my room but actually in public). I'm getting back into the groove. The Shakira-shakin' groove of things. If you know me, you know how much music and dancing enlivens my soul and makes my heart sing.

Cumbia /Salsa dancing at Hacienda de Vega 

Miracle 4: Loving life again 

My whole life, through the lowest of lows, I had never experienced lows like I experienced this past year. During all the ups and downs in my life, I am lucky enough to never have experienced depression. But I got a real taste of it this year when the physical pain that I experienced from the tumor made me want to give up on life at times. I was never suicidal, but at times I just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up so I wouldn't have to deal with the excruciating, unrelenting pain. There was a point when every time I had to get up, it felt like a knife ripping through my sciatic nerve. "Was this going to be my new normal?" I often wondered. There was so much uncertainty. But not anymore. I feel I'm past it.

These days, I've been able to maintain high spirits without any low points. I can't remember the last sad day that I've had or the last time I've cried because ever since  a few months ago, I only find myself in good moods alternating between being at peace, excited, relaxed, at ease, grateful, inspired, etc. I'm just happy to be alive. To be living a pain-free existence. I'm grateful for every day.

I look back at what I've gone through at times, and it almost feels like it happened to somebody else, not me. I'm amazed at the amount of pain I endured. It's amazing the amount of pain (physical or psychological) we are capable of going through. Humans are resilient. I know that I couldn't have done it alone. I got through it because of God, my parents, my sisters and my friends. They all gave me the strength that I needed and I will be forever grateful.

Miracle 5: Increased mobility 

I'm walking faster, getting up, getting down, in and out faster. My physical ability is improving day by day. Previously I felt as if I had the body of an 80-year-old. I needed assistance getting up, getting down, getting in and getting out. I walked at a snail's pace at times. Now, I feel like I have my 36 year old body back and that feels amazing. It's still not perfect, but I appreciate my body and everything it's capable of.

Miracle 6: Decreased pain meds 

Another miracle is that I've been able to reduce my pain medications significantly and am continuing to do so slowly, step by step, milligram by milligram. I won't go into details on the level of pain medications that I've been on, but I will tell you that it was enough to make the doctors very concerned. When there's something the size of a large melon wrapped around several nerve roots invading your sciatic nerve and several organs, it takes a lot of pain medication. I tried reducing them months ago, only to experience horrible pain and withdrawl symptoms even though I was doing it slowly. So I had to go back up on them. I tried again to decrease the doses starting a couple months ago, this time with success.

Other little miracles. I haven't been able to lie on my back for almost a year. I've been sleeping face down for almost a year. Just today, I was able to lie face up, on my back for my Jin Shin Jyutsu treatment for a full hour. I've been lying on the couch reading on my back. It's lovely. The little things. I usually have to drive with my right leg bent at the knee and my foot placed up on the seat, alleviating pressure on the left side. However, lately, I've been able to drive with both legs in front of me, the normal way.


And the tumor? Does this mean it's shrinking?

Not necessarily. I have an MRI coming up in a few weeks. I definitely still feel the mass and it doesn't feel smaller as far as I can tell. I feel that all the positive changes that have been occurring may not be due to shrinkage, but due to my attitude, my thoughts, my feelings, and meditations that have helped me. Many other things could be at play: prayers being answered, increased immunity, energy healings. My chiropractor thinks it's all him haha. It could also be because the tumor tissue is dying, or the inflammation from radiation could have subsided. It could be many things combined.

I fully expect the tumor to shrivel up and die at some point, but at this point, I just believe feeling good comes first and the evidence from MRI reports come later.

Meanwhile, I'm not really focused on that thing. I'm just focused on the fact that I'm feeling GOOD. And I think that's a good sign. I'm happy to share all the miracles with you. I know that I'll continue to feel good, continue to heal and experience more miracles.

That's all the news I have for now. Thank you for the continued support :) Thank you for reading and being a part of my journey.