The Power of Gratitude

Less than two months ago, I found myself in severe pain, unable to walk more than a few steps, stay standing or seated for more than a few seconds, or even sit up in a car, let alone drive. I went from feeling like I went from a young, healthy 35-year-old to a crippled 90-year-old overnight.

Pain, tumor, biopsy, cancer. Thoughts of death front and center. Everything that had occupied my life was suddenly taken from me. My independence. Gone. My job. Gone. Surfing, Can’t. Happy Hour. Raincheck.

It became really easy to slip down the dark path of “why me?” “Seriously, God, why me?” as I teetered at the edge of depression, wallowing into a pit of hopelessness, wondering whether my life was even worth living…

In fact, the only real reason why I didn’t slip into a total depression was because gratitude. Gratitude was and is my saving grace. I never allowed myself to wallow in the hopeless mental space for long. I got out by focusing on what I did have to be thankful for. So I couldn’t walk, stand, sit or drive, but what could I do? What did I have? What did I still have to live for?

I can talk. I can write. I can read. I can watch the sunset from my backyard. I have a wonderful family and an amazing group of friends, all who make my life worth living. I also have goals that I want to accomplish, plans and projects to make the world a better place in some small way.

I focused daily on these things. And really zeroed in on them one at a time. Take the ability to walk, for example. I’m grateful that I have the ability to walk, and I’m sure you are too. Maybe you’ve never thought about that, but really think about it. What if you were unable to walk?

And that’s when I realized how much I had taken for granted. I never appreciated my ability to walk or run. Though I am now able to walk, I still can’t run. I would give anything to be able to run down the street right now. How great it is to have legs that get you to and fro without effort. Jay-walking is not really an option anymore. Just a few minutes ago, I slowly and with much effort climbed up the stairs to get a towel, but wished I could just run upstairs taking two at a time. I saw the news showing the annual Oceanside “Turkey Trot” and wished I could be there running alongside the runners. I was envious. I took it for granted. My body. My physical ability. My mobility. It’s all so valuable. I had never appreciated my young, healthy, strong, pain-free body.

So now, I appreciate it. Being pain-free in the moments that I am without pain. That I can take deep breaths. I really appreciate that I can walk. I appreciate that I can now stand, and sit and drive. I still have cancer, but it’s not going to stop me from having things to be grateful for and having a meaningful life. In fact, in the midst of a crisis or any hardship, being centered on gratitude is key.

I focus on the feeling gratitude for the big things like friends and family. I think about each person in my life, how happy I am to have them in my life and all that they’ve done for me, given me, taught me, etc. Sometimes, I sit and write thankyou letters to these people, not because it makes them feel better to receive it, but because it makes me feel better to be grateful.

The little things also matter. Taking a shower this evening, I was grateful for the hot water. Something I didn’t have when I lived in El Salvador. I also was thankful for the new soft towels that my mom bought for me, which I’m pretty sure are the softest towels I’ve ever touched. Also, my own bathroom. I’ve had to share a bathroom before, no big deal. But I’m pretty sure that if I’d been born in rural India, I’d be sharing a bathroom with 12 people, so I just have to be grateful for that too.

But I wasn't just grateful for the good things in my life. I was also grateful for the negative--not my diagnosis, but what my diagnosis was teaching me about life. I know that I will grow, become a better person, and develop strength from this seemingly awful circumstance. It only becomes "awful" once you label it so. Bethany Hamilton, a professional surfer who lost her arm in a shark attack, stated that she would not take anything back because the event that occurred enabled her to develop and become the person she is today, and it enabled her to reach out to others and inspire them. I just watched a viral video going around social media where a woman lost both her legs at 19 due to a serious illness and now designs prosthetic legs and footwear for snowboarding. She became the first female to win a silver medal in the special olympics for snowboarding. She too, stated that she would not take anything back about her experience if she could because it enabled her to become the fantastic person that she is today. And by "fantastic" I mean strong, resilient, courageous, and evolved. 

What also helped me through was keeping a daily gratitude journal writing down three things that happened the previous day that I’m thankful for. It might look something like this:

1.   Today my mom bought me beautiful flowers. Love them!

2.   I’m grateful that I got to see my sister’s new puppy and play with him.

3.   I’m grateful that my niece came over to visit me today. 

Some may think it sounds a little cheesy or overrated, yet we shouldn’t focus only one day a year on being grateful. If you really want to change your life for the better, or if you want to better deal with hardships, a gratitude practice should be front and center 365 days a year.