Rounding 3rd base...heading for home

Hello All,

I have only ONE more week of proton beam radiation treatments. I've completed 38 out of 43 treatments to be more specific. This is quite an exciting accomplishment since I had nearly quit twice. I have had recent scans done which show that the tumor has definitely stopped growing and is stable. Goal number one achieved. Of course, shrinkage is goal number 2, which most likely will happen post-treatment. According to other studies and people that I have talked to with the same type of cancer who also had proton therapy, it can shrink slowly over the next 2 years. So, we're of course crossing our fingers and praying for shrinkage, hoping it'll happen faster instead of slowly.

As for my physical condition, I have nothing but positives to report. I am standing all day long, no problem.  A couple days ago, for the first time in weeks, I got in the kitchen to actually bake something. Also, equally exciting, I can sit for extended periods of time. I just ate at a sit-down restaurant tonight for the first time in two months. Previously, I was only able to sit for a few minutes at a time before I'd need to lie down on my stomach to get some pain relief. I can also walk, without a walker. I still have to walk a little slower than I'm used to with a subtle limp due to the nerve damage to the S1 nerve that may or may not resolve. I'm also back to yoga. I stopped after being depressed by the decreasing number of yoga positions I could do. Now, I'm getting back into my body, happy that I stretch and twist and get into positions that no longer cause me pain. There's of course a lot that I still can't do, but I'm focusing more on what I CAN do. 

It's been this way for two weeks, and the most important fact that I almost forgot to mention: pain at bay! Well, a little pain could come up here and there from dancing a little too zealously when my song comes on, BUT there has been no pain flair-ups, which is absolutely amazing because that alone makes life worth living. Not being in pain. I will probably never take a pain-free existence for granted again. I mean, I'm still on pain medication, but it's managed. Life can go on. 

So, after six weeks of horrible pain, not going anywhere except to my proton beam radiation treatments...After six weeks of being bound to my bed, unable to stand or sit longer than a few minutes, having to ride in the car lying flat on my stomach, unable to make my own meals, unable to walk more than a few feet with a walker, suddenly everything is different. 

I no longer need to lay down in the car, I can sit up in the passenger seat like a normal person. I also had my first outings this past week. One to the beach. Another to church, and just this evening to a restaurant. A social outing. Wow. It feels so great to start getting little pieces of my life back. 

It's hard not to get ahead of myself and just want everything to be back to normal right now. But, now I'm fixated on the one thing that really is keeping me from total independence: driving. I actually tried driving this week, but I am just not able to without pain. Because my sacrum has been destroyed due to the tumor, any position in which I'm sitting that puts pressure on the sacrum causes pain. Therefore, when I do sit, I lean to the right side and put the weight on my right hip. Or, I can sit at the edge of a seat, with my knees at a 90 degree angle, putting the weight on my lower sit bones. However, driving requires me to sit back with my legs out in front of me putting pressure on the sacrum. This causes pain. And it doesn't help that I have a stick shift which causes the sciatic pain to flare up when I push in the clutch. My next idea is to try driving automatic cars to see if I can sit and drive with my weight shifted to the right slightly since I'd only have to use one leg. Then, if that still isn't comfortable, I'm thinking of a scooter or motorcycle, not because it sounds totally fun, but because of the forward sitting position. Plus, I just so happen to have my motorcycle license. I should use it. 

Another achievement is that I've started tapering off some pain medications with success. I went from being the kind of person who refused to take advil or tylenol to a person who was on 9 different types of pain medication. Yikes. Now I'm down to 6. 

I'm also thinking about other things that I want to try out soon: swimming, surfing, road trips etc. Yes, yes, one thing at a time. 

That's the latest. I'm so excited and grateful that all these positives have been happening. I hope it continues to stay that way. Thank you again for reading my blog, for your prayers and all your continued support.