It's been way too long since my last post, but I still wanted to give an update on what's been going on with my health. I've been so busy working that I haven't had much time to actually sit down and keep up my blog. Here's the latest.
I've been back at work full time, teaching at both Mira Costa College and UCSD.
In August, I officially moved out of my parents' house back to living on my own. I'm so grateful for the time I spent there healing and being loved and cared for when I wasn't able to. I had moved in one year ago, in Oct. 2018 when I wasn't able to walk very well, or stand without being in pain. My mom had to bring me breakfast lunch and dinner because I couldn't stand long enough to make myself something to eat. I found an awesome place to live in Encinitas--walking distance to the beach!
My last MRI was September 15th, and I got amazing news. The tumor shrunk by about 30% since my last MRI four months ago! I was ecstatic and surprised that it had shrunk so much. This was the by far the best image that I had gotten. My oncologist says that the measurements don't do it justice. The thing shrunk a lot, quite noticeably on the images and he was quite pleased with the results.
Basically, I started out with an egg, that grew to be the size of a grapefruit, and then to a small watermelon. Then in May, it shrunk to be the size of a grapefruit. Now, we call it the size of a lemon. According to the oncologist, the lemon is dead. But it takes a while for the body to rid itself of the dead tissue, so it won't simply disappear overnight, nor would I want it to because that would lead to some major pelvic instability. What we hope to happen is for either scar tissue to take the place of the tumor, or for the sacrum bone (which the tumor ate) to grow back. Anyway, something like that. Don't quote me.
My next MRI will be mid-January, and we hope to see continued shrinkage. I also hope that the nerves that were damaged during radiation start to heal as well. I still have numbness in my left foot, a toe that's also completely numb still. Not a big deal, but it would be nice if those nerves would just come back to life.
One of the best things in my life right now is being able to be physically active again. I'm surfing, and even though I can't pop up as fast as I used to, it feels so good to be in the water, surfing again with friends. About a year ago, when I was headed for surgery, I was told by the doctor that I'd probably never surf again. Yet here I am. Surfing. Five times a week. Getting better and better, stronger and stronger.
Besides surfing, I've been hiking, biking, going to gym, salsa dancing, yoga and building muscles back up. My butt muscles, especially the ones on the left side, have atrophied and due to the nerve damage from radiation may never come back to life. Not having use of these muscles is what makes it hard for me to pop up on a surfboard, or climb steep hills when I'm hiking. But I've been compensating by trying to strengthen other surrounding muscles. Every few weeks, I'll notice that something is becoming easier and less physically demanding, whether it's climbing up stairs, popping up while surfing, hiking, etc. I no longer walk with a limp, which is great because I always dreaded the nosy question from strangers, "What happened to your leg?"
One thing I miss is running. I still can't run because it's too hard on my sacrum, but I just try to focus on the fact that I can do so many other things. I hope to be able to run at some point in the future.
Another amazing feat is that I have gotten 100% off my pain meds. No more narcotics. No more morphine. At the highest dose, I was taking 180mg of morphine each day along with 8 other prescription pain meds! I was taking so much, that at one point, I thought I was more likely to die from the medications than from cancer. But anyway, starting last March, I started decreasing my dose little by little. Step by step. From 160 to 145 to 90 to 60 to 30 to 15mg. Finally, just a few weeks ago, in mid-October, I was finally able to ween myself completely off, so I am so thrilled to say, I am no longer on any prescription medications. I had been on narcotics starting with Norco, then Percocet, then Morphine since February of 2018. One year and 8 months later...I am free. Officially pain-free and drug-free.
Halloween just passed, and I remember last year during Halloween I had to use a walker to walk just two blocks around the neighborhood. I was living at home, unable to drive or sit for very long. This Halloween, I was back out with friends loving life. It's amazing to feel that I've come full circle.
Now that I'm working, going out and having fun with friends, my struggle is trying to strike the balance between stepping back into my fun and socially engaging life and focusing on being healthy, remembering how much healing I still need to do. I feel amazing, but I'm still not out of the woods. I struggle with whether or not I should be able to have a couple drinks when I go out, how restrictive my eating needs to be and trying to have fun without too much restriction. I don't just want to blindly jump back into my old life as if nothing had ever happened, as if everything is 100% Ok. I'm still on a healing journey. There's still MRI's every 4 months and I still need to put my health and wellbeing first. I'm still meditating, taking 30+ supplements daily, and trying to eat healthy.
I'm so grateful for where I am now, for the progress that I've made. For the little things. For being able to walk. For being able to sit. For being able to surf, hike and DANCE. I'm so grateful for all the prayers. They are definitely working. I'm excited to see how far I continue to progress. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. Stay tuned for updates. :)
